Hi, I am Carlos and I am HIV Positive

Stereotypes. Blonde girls are stupid, gay people are promiscuous. Stereotyping can be potentially offensive and degrading. It prevents people from truly getting to know each other. We make jokes and laugh at racial puns. Prejudice is inherent in human nature. We're all guilty.

Coming home from work. The subway, packed in the midst of rush hour madness, was full of its usuals: corporate men in suits, women in cute dresses with Louis Vuittons, kids in uniforms, onstruction workers in their tims and paint-splattered jeans, beggars. To my left was a black guy with the full works: dreadlocks, baggy jeans, chains, and a doo-rag. So I kept my laptop bag extra close to my feet, I didn't wanna take chances. The guy standing to my right had a garbage bag with him. Odd choice of luggage, especially since he looked well kept and presentable. With a heavy Mexican accent, he starts talking:

"Hello everyone. My name is Carlos and I am HIV positive. I have no permanent home right now. I'm on my way to the Soup Kitchen downtown and my parents brought me here to America illegally, so I receive no type of medical help. Any donation will be appreciated please, as I am trying to make a better life for myself. Metrocards, loose change, anything please."

No one moved, no one batted an eyelash. Will Mr. Investment Banker hand him a bill? Or will Paris Hilton Wannabe give him a quarter? Nope.Construction worker stands up and hands him his Metrocard. Carlos thanks him profusely. Then I remember I had change from the vending machine that I conveniently tucked in my pocket and gave it to him. Carlos thanked me. No one else moved. I got humbled, when all of a sudden, the black guy that I was so scared of potentially stealing my laptop hands him a dollar bill. A dollar bill. Carlos thanks him.

When most people would only give loose change, if any at all, this guy that I stereotyped to be a gangster, to be a criminal, to be poor... gave the most out of everyone in that subway car. And he looked genuine too. I was so ashamed. If I had actually put that change back in my wallet, I wouldn't even have bothered giving it. Here I am earning more than triple the minimum wage, and I can only give 15cents out of convenience. There's so many crooks out there, but Carlos, I'm pretty sure he's the real thing.

The train is now at Union Square and before it completely stops, Carlos takes the time once more to go to each and everyone of us who donated and said: "Thank you and God bless!" All 3 of us, inside a car with 40+ people. For a mere 15cents, he was almost in tears.

And then we all go home, and go on with our lives. As usual.

We Are No Longer Kids Playing in the Sandbox

Old friends, new stories. I've been out of touch with most people back home. Who's going out with who, who's moving where, what's happening where... it just gets harder and harder to touch base these days. I just found out that another girl from my highschool has a 2 month old son. The sad thing is, I wasn't as shocked as I should be. Instead, it started to sink in more that I'm getting old. Where have the good old days gone, when Trapper Keepers were deemed cool and gushing over boy bands wasn't met with ridicule? Where are the days when MTV played more music videos than reality shows, and sleepovers were the most rebelious thing you could do with your girl bestfriends?

When I...
* Left for New York City at 18. Filed my first tax return. Studied abroad in London at age 12. Finally did my own laundry. Learned to drive a car. Played the piano in front of hundreds of people. First wore a suit. Brought a car to school. Made my first complete meal. Joined a singing competition in 3rd grade. Got my first paycheck. Endured my first job interview. Looked for my own apartment. Tutored little kids. Could no longer rely on my mom to look after me when I'm sick. Stood up for decisions I made. Directed my first play. Realized my capabilities. Adviced others. Accepted my faults. Controlled my wants for the sake of my friends. Held myself accountable for things. Acknowledged all the blessings I have....I grew up.

But hey... I still don't know how to ride a bike or build the perfect paper airplane. I want to run around the sprinkler in the summer and create masterpieces using Play Doh. I want to go on Easter Egg hunts and get excited about Chucky Cheese. Life's gotten a lot more complicated, but I still want to be childlike, but not childish. In times when I feel like I can't hold it down anymore, it helps to think that I'm just human and the learning never stops. We never cease to grow up... because if we do, what else would mistakes and challenges be for, if not for the sole purpose of making us stronger people in the end?

As I look at the blisters on my hand for having to carry my work laptop bag with me everywhere, it hit me that I am officially a working girl now. And quite frankly, I miss being a kid again.